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"Heavy Rain" was published in this book and "My Soul's Endless Void" was published in a later edition. Isn't that neato!?! |
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This picture is just gorgeous. It was made by a friend of mine on the computer! Thanks! |
Note: I have made some of these into songs,(indicated by  ) so they are written as song lyrics.<3 ya'll! | |
Heavy Rain Heavy rain inside my soul
fogging up my heart.
Choosing my directions,
I don't know just where to start.
You come and stop the rain,
calling out the sun.
Help me clear my heart out,
and know that you're the one.
Heavy wind with in my veins
blowing through and through.
It blows me all around
deep down into you.
You come and seize the wind
and pull me towards you.
Steady my veins for eternity,
replace the wind that blew.
Heavy jewels blind my eyes,
make me cruel to you.
I show you sides of me you never knew.
You come, take away the jewels
and tell me "I love you".
Give me love and love alone
and start me all anew.
The Lonely
The lonely tree beside the brook
welcomes a caterpillar.
Even though the eating hurts,
it's worth it to have a friend.
The neatly cut dog in the mansion
welcomes a hopping flea.
Even though the hopping tickles,
it's worth it to have a friend.
The lonely camper among the woods
welcomes a wandering mosquito.
Even though the bites itch
it's worth it to have a friend.
BLOCK
Block
out the noise of the annoyance.
Block
out the thoughts of pain.
Block
out the endless haunting.
Run,
but still remain.
Tightly Woven
Tightly woven, intertwined
deep into the core of your mind.
Drifting out across the plains
never to be seen again.
Distant thoughts, refresh them all,
use them to grow wise and tall.
VISITORS
Tidy Up:
Sweep the porch, vacuum the stairs,
rid the couch of those tiny hairs.
Make the bed, clean your room,
don't forget to put up the broom.
Wipe the table, wax the floor.
Don't sit down, here's some more:
Bake some cookies
Dust the TV
Print a banner
for the company.
Make them feel welcome,
Invite them in.
Give them a hug
And a handsome grin.
FOR LITTLETON, COLORADO
Death has shattered
Neatly made lives.
We strongly pray
Happiness arrives.
Unthought
Swim through the wind.
Blow through the ocean.
Flow through the mountains.
Climb through the rain...
Live your life abnormally,
For there is much to gain.
Cry
Flow over stinging pain.
Help the joy come again.
Let it out without control.
For my heart is what you just stole.
Follower
Flow across the ocean,
Deep into the sea.
Hey, don't go so fast.
Please wait up for me...
A Simple Child
Help the rain kiss the ground.
Start a river flowing.
Make it splash, smile, and laugh
And keep up with all the knowing.
Author's Interpretation:
A child is the rain. Help the child praise the land,
let it have fun and teach it all the earth's knowledge.
Thoughtful Quote
"Stripe down the plain,
Zig Zag the murky.
Spot the dreary and checker the ordinary."?
Little Child
Little child deep inside,
Why won't you come and play?
You can sing, dance, swim and run,
and live fully the day.
A poem
A poem for you,
yes beloved you.
I have watched you from afar.
I admire you grace,
your handsome face
and wish on my lucky star.
Inexperienced I am there with him.
He moves to kiss, I turn away.
He asks "Why?" and I said:
"I've never been this close before,
I've never really wanted anymore.
So in fact I've never kissed before, ok?
I've never loved any guy this much before,
to long for his touch that seeps to my core.
So in fact I've never even held hands before, all right?
I've never been so confused before,
my life has always been under control.
So in fact I've never even hugged before, is that ok?"
Then he said:
"Me neither babe,
I wasn't gonna tell ya,
but now it's ok.
Just like you I've never kissed before
and just like you I've never wanted more,
and just like you I've never held a hand
and I'm just as confused but ready on command.
But I can't say I've never hugged before,
cause look at us now,
my arms around you and yours
are holding me tight."
Now that we're together almost outta control,
I grasp his hand and wait for more,
we both move to kiss,
I expect the worst,
but as our lips collide,
my emotions burst...
And when it ends,
I'll never be the same again.
I'll never be the same again, thanks to you.
You helped me do just what I wanted to.
And now I'm satisfied, for now.
Yeah I'm satisfied for now.
Bumped
You bumped into me,
then walked on,
didn't even acknowledge my presence.
You walked right,
on out of my life,
and in to the next,
right to someone else's.
Not
Is it that I am not gorgeous?
Do I not have the best tone?
Is it that I am not a ditz
And actually make good grades?
Or is it my attitude and the lack of grace?
Depression
Lovely depression,
welcome the grim
passion of sudden sadness and hate.
Many ways to cheer up,
but more to put you down,
out of the way.
I Love The Rain
I love the rain,
walking, walking through it
opens my soul...
My soul loves the rain.
Running, running in it
opens my feelings.
Drenched in soul and feelings,
let them run out and out.
I love the rain.
Unhappy
sleeping in sadness,
awake in the grim
have no happy dreams,
never grin
Soulmates
They say they exist.
I don't believe.
They love forever.
I don't believe.
They are linked by soul
No, I don't believe
They are soulmates
and there isn't one for me
Modern
STRIPES, CIRCLES, BLACK, AND WHITE. ,
SKYSCRAPERS REACHING THE HIGHEST OF HEIGHTS. .
THE WORLD REVOLVES,, AN ENDLESS SPIN, .
MANY FIGHT WARS THEY'LL NEVER WIN. .
CLOUDS OF BROWN AND ASHY WHITE,,
DURING SUNSET, PUREST DELIGHT. .
THE AIR IS HOT,, STEAMY,, UNCLEAN .
MANY COUGH, CRY OF DISEASES UNSEEN .
Picture Perfect
picture perfect
focus on in
the perfect face
with the perfect grin.
hands forever holding
frozen in time
fingers locked around a glass of wine.
feet engaged in a forever dance
eyes unfocused, both entranced.
dress of black, silver, long
flowing along to a beautiful song.
Hot Chocolate Hot chocolate, a blanket and stars for two.
A perfect occasion for me and you.
Over and over and over again
Backwards and backwards and backwards I'll send
Us to that day we were perfect and then
You will be happy and I'll be too.
Hot Chocolate a blanket and stars for two.
Hot Chocolate a blanket and stars for two.
I'll catch a comet and you'll catch the moon.
Downwards and downwards and downwards they'll come
Over and over and over we'll hum
This song our song so perfect and you'll
Whisper "I Love You" and I will too.
Hot Chocolate a blanket and stars for two.
I love you darling, please don't be blue.
Strength Like a hawk, I will soar through the valley of fears.
Like a rose, I will bloom despite all my tears.
Like a rock, I will sit here and wait for the day.
That you'll say: "I love you, yes I do. I love you and for all its
worth, I wish we could be together... forever..."
Like a tree, I will grow to my expectations
Like a feather I will float through life's complications.
Like a rock, I will sit here and wait for the day.
That you'll say: "I love you, yes I do. I love you and for all its
worth, I wish we could be together... forever..."
Like a mirror, I will reflect all that I have learned.
Like a fire, I won't regret a thing I have burned.
Like a rock, I will sit here and wait for the day.
That you'll say: "I love you, yes I do. I love you and for all its
worth, I wish we could be together... forever..."
outcast
Broken heart,
Features plain.
Life me up,
let me sing.
Loud, clear,
broad, strong,
Let me know
that I belong.
Secrets
I am ready to tell you my secrets.
The moon, stars, all of it.
I want you to know that I trust you, love you
With the strength of all my heart.
Smile
I can't wipe this smile off of my face
That glows like a light bulb
That has just been replaced
By the most perfect of hands
So soft and so pure
As the holy waters
That just so happen to lure
The most perfect couple
To this holy church
To be wed, now and forever
In harmony with each other.
My Soul's Endless Void
no one shall hear me cry.
I will lock myself up, deep inside.
No one to watch, no one to permanent No soul to think I cant handle it or feel pity for me.
Thoughts may drive me insane.
I would rather it that way.
My stubbornness and pride is worth my suffering,
so here I shall stay.
In my little world deep inside.
Where no one can hear me cry.
Maybe I'll come out one day.
Just for the craving of what you might say.
but perhaps not, no, I guess I wont.
the risk of hearing trickleson't want,
is Rejuvenationm not willing to take.
So here I stay, all by myself,
with no one dear to comfort me.
Aspreadn't feel sorry for me.
My Love
Busy feet, running past
Ignore me where I stand.
I sulk alone, in my corner
With no one to hold my hand.
Dark are the shadows, guarding my heart
Will not let him pass.
Deep is my soul, an endless void
He won't be able to last.
Would he try to fight the guards?
Would he even dare?
The main question lingers: Why would he even care?
Would he try to jump the void?
Would he have the courage?
Another question hangs: Is he strong enough to manage?
Violent are my feelings
There is danger in their path.
Painful is my love,
Cupid flees from its wrath.
It Is Sorrow
I don't know what I am doing
I don't care where I go.
But I want to keep on moving,
So my sorrow will not show
If I keep myself busy
I'll have no time to care
No one will notice
In my heart, what is really there.
Someday my someone will find me
Search me deep inside
Know all about me
And revive my soul that died.
This Feeling
I want to control this feeling
Tame it to my needs.
But no matter how hard I try,
Me it will not please. AddictionR> Everyone says you are not right for me
I know with all of my heart
And that is what I believe.
But this feeling will not let me
Just turn around and say good-bye.
I know if I don't listen
My sanity will fly
So please turn me away.
Don't torture me so.
I will only get hurt,
Like before, I know.
My World
Rainbows caress the clouds
A breeze strokes the trees
In my perfect world
Made only for me
Birds twitter softly
A brook bubbles along
I walk on a path
Singing my favorite song
No one there to yell at me
No one there to hurt me
No one there to love
Life
Buds come
Flowers bloom
Fragrance fills the air.
Blooms go
Leaves come
But eventually blow away,
Leaving the tree bare.
I Am Falling
I am falling.
The edge, closer than pictured
Called to me softly.
I came, I fell.
I am falling
The pit in whole
Is deeper than possible.
When will I hit?
Is there a way to escape?
I am lost now.
No light, no way out.
Am I still falling?
Whahoweveris all about? soul
I am flying!
Approaching the light.
Someone, don't know who
Saved me from my plight.
Plead of Time
Dear clock,
Sweet clock,
Please stop ticking your time.
I want to stay right where I am
When life to me is kind.
Right now, this moment
Is the best it is going to get.
I know if time keeps going,
This harmony I will forget.
For my life is not peaceful
My life is not easy.
But this moment, this lovely moment
It is
So time, be kind.
I only want it to last.
I want my life for me
To be as smooth as glass.
Revenge
So many questions in my mind for you.
My mind is cluttered, what can I do?
You don't know what I am going through.
The only one you care about is you.
I sit here thinking, going out of my mind.
How could you ever have been this unkind?
I try to set it all correct in my head.
Try to straighten out all that you said.
You're gonna get it, you're gonna feel this pain someday,
And for once, you won't get your way.
You'll lose all that you've worked for.
All your hopes and dreams will float out the door.
I'll get you back some how, I'll beat you out.
I'll get the last laugh, yeah the last laugh.
You will feel my broken heart's wrath.
My Waterfall
My waterfall is drying up.
It seemed never ending.
Its source was reliable
making my waterfall undryable.
My waterfall was big and loud
roaring spraying, reaching the clouds.
I never thought I'd be with out
What on earth caused this drought?
But wait, the last drops are multiplying
maybe my waterfall isn't drying!
Its a stream now, a river, roaring rushing.
And now, here it comes,
with waterfall force, gushing!
Rebellion
They say my soul had left me
That I was a hopeless cause
But I will prove it all to them
And not obey their laws.
I will be happy
I won't feel pain
The joy in my life will reign again
My soul will live on
I won't listen again
I will have joy
I will enjoy life
And ignore my present strife.
You Lift Me Up I show you rain
You turn it into sunshine
I thunder down
You rainbow it all away
*When I am down
You lift me up
High above the clouds
And the stars they shower down*
I show you winds
You make them rushing butterflies
I blow you down
You get up and make my day.
**
I show you thorns
You bloom them all to roses
I prick your hand
You heal and love me anyways...
(repeat first verse)
**
Window Come to my window
And I'll let you see
But deep inside there
You will not see me
For in my window I am not the same
All is different except my name
*I'll show you me
I'll show you my window
But inside you'll see
I'm not like the me you knew.*
Come to my window
And I'll let you see
Pry it open softly
And just maybe
For in my window I am not the same
Cause in my window there is no shame
**
Come to my window
And I'll show you me
All my secrets
Deep inside of me
Cause in my window I am not the same
For in my window there's no room for hurt and pain
**
I'll show you me
I'll show you my window
I will let you see,
The truth in me....
Come to my window
And just maybe...
You'll see what I am, you'll see what I'll be...
And you'll note I am my own,
And I am gonna be me.
Dream
My earth, shattered
Now rejuvenates beneath my feet
Lifting me up.
A dance floor forms
And music begins.
I dance.
Stars glisten around me.
Gorgeous.
A dress appears.
I glimmer.
My head spins.
Too many wonderful things at once.
I fall.
I wake up.
I smile.
Demand of Love My love is strong
My will is greater
And this deed , it can not wait for later
*And my heart, it sings
And my soul, it screams
For love from you to me*
My voice is strong
Long, clear, undying
And it soars above all that is flying
**
My spirit blazes
My eyes determined
And my mind will never forget you
**
Oh why can't you see
You make me breathe,
You make me see
You're all I want and am for me
**
My Gift
With outstretched arms
I held out my heart to you.
For one so small
I stood tall, proud of my gift.
You took my heart
You didn't know any better.
I expected so much in exchange.
You could never fill the void that was left
When you took my heart away.
Conclusion of You
Expressions of love will not pass through your lips to mine.
Your hands never caress my face.
Your arms don't hold me close to your ice cold heart
And allow me to melt it.
Eyes like yours stare through me
Not showing a light when I walk into the room.
Your heart and soul will never truly love me
And pull me in deep, where I want to be.
Recollection
I sigh, lean back
Recall old times and love.
My life seemed so complete
Unchangeable, untouchable.
You were able to tear us apart
Change my life
You touched my life,
I will never be the same.
Worlds Inside and Outside
Worlds inside are unique to the others,
Shining bright, bursting forth with love and knowledge.
Beautiful to the known and caring,
Yet not noticed by all.
Worlds outside are cluttered.
Many are littered with fake color.
Exposed, are not immune to touch,
Eventually die.
Worlds inside have infinite life,
Rejuvenating in itself over and over,
Learning from encounters of other worlds.
Wise.
Worlds outside, no real beauty,
Deceiving to the touch, but more in sight.
Not whole.
Puzzled
Unexpected attention
Paid to me thoughts, feelings, soul
Turned me shy, weak.
How could anyone understand?
Decipher mazes, traps, intricacies of my mind.
You couldn't possibly understand.
Complex, coded, only I have the fitted key .
Or do I?
Could I be wrong?
Perhaps I really wanted you to know.
For if you were able to decode me soul,
maybe it was meant for you.
Thinking
I sit here occupied,
Yet I think of you.
You haven't asked me to think of you,
Yet I do.
I remember the last look on your face,
The feelings I felt when I saw that look.
Entranced, shaken.
Thoughts flash through my mind.
Future hopes, expectations, wants.
Could I be the one for you?
And you for me?
I have dreams, but I am too shy to tell.
So I'll sit here, still occupied
And think of you.
Needs
Why can't you comfort me?
I need you now, this moment,
More than ever.
Come to me and hold me.
That's all I need.
Tell me that you care for me
And that I'll be ok.
Say I have the world in my hands
And that I have you.
You are the world in my hands
Tell me that I have you.
For I do need you
No matter how badly I deny it.
Why can't you love me?
The care I seek from you shall never be found.
Contradicting words come from you to me
How could you love me?
If you did you would tell me
Or would I not hear it when you tell me?
Can't you just tell me why you talk to me
And not expect me to know?
I need to feel wanted, desired
Is that why you call on me?
Or will I never know
You don't know how bad, how much
I need to know.
32nd Comparison
I would have given my sight to see you
Have you surprise me with your presence
And give me a look that makes me giggle
To see I am cared for, perhaps admired
And that someone wants to see my face
That I am not a sorry sight
That when I wish to smile my brightest smile
Someone is there to see it.
I would have given my hearing to listen to your voice
Calling you even when I know you weren't there
Just to hear your recorded voice
It used to satisfy me for the moment.
I saved your recordings on my machine
Listening until I felt better
Remembering what you looked like when you spoke
Then I smile, pleased.
I dry your rose so I see it everyday
Remember times of kindness.
Your written words I save for rainy days
And read to make me grin.
I talk of you all the time
And remember how you made me smile.
Your personality I wish I could capture
I am not brave or vocal of my opinions
I don't make friends with all I see.
I would have given my life to be you
To be free and have experience
That I only dream of earning one day.
(Unpublished)
I'm so confused.
I don't understand the signs you show me
At times you're wonderful?
Others distant
Our thoughts, expectations are different I guess.
I want you more than I should
I get too attached, I know.
It's my fault
I must hold back.
I am too much for you.
You don't have time for me
And don't want me the same as I want you
No Fear I ride with the top down in the rain
And they look at me like I'm insane.
I wear my sunglasses at night
Just because I can and might
Go dancing on my bed
And you just might think I've lost my head
But I'm just doing what I want to do...
And that has nothing to do with you!
Cause I go running in the hail
And I wait for night to check my mail.
I run circles in my room
And you might think I am crazy too
When I go singing nutty songs
And I'll just la, la ,la ,la ,la along
And I'll tell you 'bout the voices in my head
If weren't for them I wouldn't have said
That I am the one who is in charge here
And I don't need to have any fear!!!
Cause ... (repeat)
Complications
Mysterious existence
Complicates my position,
Confuses my thoughts and assumptions.
Misunderstood?
I think not.
Too much understood.
Tame them?
Possible, yet not desired.
Free them,
Contain them,
Capture and use against me.
Defy my heart, my soul.
I cannot stop you.
I Am
I am a rock.
No one shall see what I hide inside.
It takes a diamond to chisel me away
To my gem of greater value.
I am cold.
Ice is the heater of my heart.
It would take a blazing sun
To melt my pain away.
Is there a sharp enough diamond
Able to make its way to my core?
Is there a sun burning enough
To melt my heart,
allowing tears to flow?
Is there a blazing diamond sun
Prepared, created to so this work?
I name an existence I haven't witnessed,
But I know in this world
It is there, somewhere.
God knows if I'll encounter it.
Until I know, I'll keep watching for a blazing sun to come crashing to my earth.
The River
Love is a river I run through.
Splashing across to the other shore,
Trying to avoid getting wet,
But small drops caress my skin.
I wipe them off.
More gather just as fast
And run down my body.
When I reach the opposite shore,
I regret going through so fast.
Long for gentle droplets
To caress and seep into my heart.
Decision Undecided
I have so many reasons to turn you away,
Yet I don't.
I have too much pain from you,
Yet I consider again.
Why on Earth am I not doing what "is right" for me?
I am not confessing that I love you still,
Not yet.
I will hold my decision from you a bit longer.
(Even though you know it from my actions and looks.)
That I love you with all my heart and deeper still.
Why did you have to ruin it all and show me not Heaven, but Hell?
I had prayed for this day to come,
But when it did,
I am blank for words and a definite, exact decision.
God, have mercy and guide me to the light of my soul.
My Life: Complete With Complications
My morning, depressing, stressful in every way.
Comfort is distant.
The one I want, so close, yet impossible to touch.
My studies understood, yet reports don't reflect it.
I try to be confident, I try to be brave.
I want to understand my life.
I want to conquer it .
I cried today.
Yes I cried.
Not ashamed anymore, so I tell you that I cried.
Don't feel sorry for me, it is not my intention,
For even your sympathy can't pull me out of my depression.
I wish to be free, but I am contained.
At times I seem equal, then get struck back down to my adolescence.
Why does this have to be so complicated, why is it so cruel?
Complications outnumber my easy streets and it is hard to find my way.
For You
I gave away my teddy bear.
I'll let you comfort me.
I fired my psychiatrist.
I'll tell you everything.
I tossed aside my heels.
I'll let you lean on me.
I burned my history book.
We'll make new history.
I bade my tutor leave.
I'll let you educate me.
I threw away my band-aids.
I'll let you heal my pain.
I sold my rabbit's foot.
I'll let you be my luck.
I am forgetting all my life.
A new one starts with you .
What I Want It's what I want,
It's what I need,
And you can't take it from me.
I require it every moment,
And if not from you,
I'll find a man,
Another man,
I can be with out you.
Cause I know what I want,
And I know what I need.
I'll find a man,
Another man,
Another life I will lead.
Clarity
The situation was intriguing
Now life doesn't seem so deceiving.
Why was I such a fool?
I see now that I was.
Maybe I wanted control.
Knowing more than you
I thought I had more control
Over you
Over this, all this
Now I see something I missed.
Why couldn't I sense it when we kissed?
I was thinking about me
And where else I wanted to be
Another's arms that are impure and unreliable.
I see now how insane a sane mind can be
When befuddled by the lost heart
Even when you know the true way
Deep down inside you soul.
Blooming Fire: first thought
Blooming fire
Heart's desire
Mine and mine alone.
Flying to the stars and moon
Reaching higher and higher.
Search the universe
Expanding, never ending
My love, my admiration
My obsession
Blooming Fire: second thought
Blooming fire.
Entity of my love.
Look me in the eye.
I have a fire,
It's your desire.
Come and watch it burn.
With never ending fuel,
But a substance I don't produce.
It's yours for me,
Melted-down love,
Complete and makes me happy
Goodbye
Goodbye the one I thought I loved.
The one who was there for me.
You aren't the one I want for me.
Your life isn't for me.
I thought I could contain you,
Make you mine and hold you to me,
But you're trying to take me with you.
Pull me out of my cage where I lie.
I am comfortable here with all who were my company.
I love the cage still even though I've said otherwise.
So I am staying, go on your merry way.
You can go and have your life,
Here with my past, I will stay.
I am comfortable and want no changes.
Goodbye.
Time
There is time to spare
Time to write, to think.
A moment to myself, just a moment.
My world is mine again for this moment.
Nothing important to worry about
Nothing to live for this instant.
Just me, my pen, my paper, my time.
Question
I ask of you.
A question sent out to the unknown.
Help me?
Please, I need the advice of a thousand worlds,
To satisfy my soul.
It feels like a lifetime decision,
But it isn't, yet it is.
I've asked so many, but I am not satisfied.
I need the answer from my soul.
I am not brave enough to listen.
I fear it is not right.
It's a mistake,
A jump I can't make,
A risk I can't take.
For if I let the answer come,
And I listen,
I will have no choice, but to obey.
So here I am wondering,
Asking the world my question,
Ignoring my intuition.
Maybe someday I'll hear,
What I want to hear and obey.
The Light
Would you let me see your soul?
Could you show me how you feel?
I'd like to see you for myself,
See all you say is real.
I see the light, but it flickers.
I get lost in between the breaks.
I can't tell how far the light is,
So I am blind to how long this will take.
I want to know now.
I can't wait for it to show itself,
But I don't see how to steady your light,
Make it burn for me constantly.
Please shine it on me bright.
Behind The Waterfall
Remember the waterfall?
It was tall, broad,
never ending.
Now it is more.
There is a cave behind it.
At times of drought,
The entrance is clear.
Some venture in,
And search through the dark.
No light, but they find their way.
A voice calls them,
Sweet comfort calling to them.
It takes them in, na�ve souls,
To the depths of the end of time.
Regret
I feel somewhat responsible,
Do you understand?
I wish I could talk to you,
And explain all in my mind.
You please me, then I have doubts.
You give me hope, then take it away
As I am reaching out for it.
Why did it all have to change?
Why did you have to leave me
Here cold and alone?
Just Thought You Should Know
From perfect love
To indefinite despair
I have carried my love for thee.
So easy to keep on going,
Than to stop and relieve my load.
So I walk on over mountains down valleys
Carrying my love high and proud.
Two Paths
I come to this division
Which way should I go?
To this side I have fire and flowers,
And the other is covered with snow.
Flowers would please me until they die,
But they were beautiful while they were there.
And fire may heat me, help me,
But could burn me without proper care.
Another scene gives possibility,
To new growth when the snow melts to a stream.
Hope, work, and attention could
Bloom new life, more beautiful, it seems.
Comparing
What do you compare me to?
A diamond that needs to be cut,
Or a lion that needs to be freed?
I am that diamond you speak of
But what would you say if I don't want to be shaped?
I am that lion you mention
But what if I like my containment?
Would you respect my decision
Or compare me further
To a sapling that needs to grow?
Well I will compare you
To a sad and cursed clown
And I am laughing at your show.
A Simple Contradiction
I want to know what you expect of me.
Never mind, I know it's the world.
I can't do it, I tell you,
It's impossible and I wouldn't have the courage.
I look out over the expanse of my horizon,
Too close, yet too far to touch.
Why wont you answer my questions,
Making me ask a thousand times.
You bury your answers, your passions.
Though you claim they are there bright as day.
Rooftop Perspective
All is quiet deep with in.
No one hears my screams. My heart, just mended,
Was torn once again, at its seams.
One would think my sorry self
Would learn not to love so hard so fast
Why couldn't I see
That it was all too good to last?
What was I doing, giving my heart away?
I knew he would just destroy it the very next day.
Why do I act so na�ve when I really know the truth?
Why was I blind, now bringing me to this roof?
"I will jump", I say to the world I'll leave,
But no one is there to coax me down.
I look below me,
A silent street lit by the coming sun.
I will miss this town.
From this perch,
I can see all the land in its glory.
"But I will jump, here, this morning!!"
I look up,
See clouds of pastel colors.
Kinda peaceful,
but not worth me staying.
I glance behind me.
The wind caresses my face,
The sun, now blazing.
"Will I still jump?", I wonder.
All it takes it one step,
Just one step.
I hear a bird from a nearby tree,
Whistling a little tune.
As if asking,
"Why are you leaving so soon?".
It doesn't know my pain,
She has an easy life.
I feel my pain, real as this day,
And my world is full of strife.
I back away,
Sunlight begins to warm me,
Go back to my window,
Put back on the screen,
Down the stairs,
My dog asks where I have been,
Collapse on the couch,
My dog licks my face,
I smile, a first for many months,
And I say, "It's going to be a good day".
I Fear
I miss you,
Even though you don't know it.
I wont tell you
I could never sacrifice my feelings.
Your soul is kind,
Thought I'll never say it.
I am confused,
And that is all I will tell you.
I'd like to tell you someday,
But will it ever come?
I fear you deserve someone better?
I fear I am not that one.
Contemplating Life
Just thinking again.
I think a lot these days.
What do I want?
How have I gotten this far?
Can I just live my life
From one moment to another
Not planning ahead
Or trying to figure it out?
Is the way I am handling my life right?
Should I try to change my ways?
How will I know, how will I see,
When will I understand my life?
Question No. 1
You came to me, I held you.
You cried to me, I comforted you.
Now you ask I do the same,
I can not come to you.
Your heart, I saw
It was brought out of your core
Set for me, but I don't dare take it.
I just want your hand,
Your smile, your laugh?
Will you want the same from me?
Myself in Me
You think I like penguins, flowers and blue.
Well I do, but that's not all I am.
I am not just my grades or my favorite shirt or my shoes.
I am myself all complete in my ways.
You think my eyes are green,
And my hair is brown,
That I am fun to be around.
So I am, you see
But there is more in me, my feelings and soul,
But they don't show to all people who confront me.
Warning
You think you have power,
But I know I can break you.
You aren't as strong as you seem.
I can take you.
People like you hide your pain behind cruelty
And your sorrow with undermining acts
I have seen your strategy
And I've made a counteraction
Be careful, confess?
You are no match for my mind, heart, and body.
One Upon A Time
I must stop thinking about my past.
I knew the man, his love,
Was too good to last.
Then why do I sulk still?
Why did this event take my mind, almost kill?
Ever since, I have been no where near the same.
No one notices on the outside,
But on the inside is empty.
I must leave it all behind
I must step forward into the light ahead.
But this darkness, it has a hold on me.
Sometimes I think of how he'll come for me
Later on down the road
And how I'll die to hold him again
And maybe it will not end like before
But I am silly!
The complications and sacrifices I'll make
Why do I consider?
I thought I had grown sane, over time
But I was wrong.
My mind is still searching.
Will I ever be who I want to be?
A nice girl with a nice guys with little complications
Just enough
And I will forget my past, my insanity
And I will find the Happily Ever After phrase
I was searching for once upon a time.
The Rose
I hate being alone.
I hate being unoccupied.
By myself with nothing to do,
I think, I drive myself into insanity.
That's it, that's my confession.
My explanation of my actions and words.
You wonder why I act the way I do.
With all my "passion" and "courage"
Now I have the "confidence", don't I
Wrong.
I am not worthy of the words.
A cover I use to make sure I am always busy
And people don't see what I see.
No one sees what I see.
I am in peace
I have a grip on life and I know what I want.
You see what I show
My pleasing-to-the-eye looks
And uplifting attitude.
So everyone loves me
My style , my pose.
You don't know who I am now
I am not your perfect rose.
I have yet to bloom
And I am the only one on this giant bush.
Please Understand
I don't know how to get through to you,
you pretend to understand me
but you hope for something I can't do
I can feel your admiration
that is all it is, I know
you must succumb to me advice
you must succumb to my advice
I swear you will find it to your advantage
please just let me go
Hands
Hand against hand,
I welcomed you to my heart.
Brushing past once,
Set a world burning in fiery passion.
A second time, a whirl of nostalgia.
I placed you in my future.
I looked onward, ahead of the moment.
I am foolish, all because of hands.
A slightly longer caress,
I felt you touch my soul.
And I longed to grasp it,
I longed to hold you.
You later held my hand,
A step I was looking for.
I had hoped to be one to hold your hand.
I am foolish, all because of hands.
Hand on my shoulder,
And arm wrapped around me,
Comforted me,
Impossible to ignore.
A stronger pull towards your heart,
I heard your heart beat,
And I felt something from you.
I am foolish, all because of hands.
A hand squeezed my shoulder,
Massaging my tense soul.
I opened my door,
And you walked in to my light I shone upon you.
I couldn't stand it.
I rested, fainted, on your shoulder,
And fell into deep feeling for you, drowning.
I am foolish, I am in love,
And all because of hands.
Hands brought to my lips,
Both touch, soothe my hurt from the past,
But I have already fallen.
There is no where to go,
And certainly I will never go back.
Hands through my hair,
Chills flow to my toes and fingers.
Still no words exchanged,
But enough filtered in through hands.
A touch to my ear,
I am yours, and you know.
But even if I had a choice,
I would give all to heaven to be solely yours.
Not just hands caress me now,
A cheek, eyelash, eyebrow.
Each its own addition to my love,
And my foolishness
All beginning with hands.
I Met You
I've been the bravest alive since I've met you,
Jumping froward where before there use to be doubt.
I have faced the wars,
I have ignored the pain,
And I have triumphed above my fears.
I've been elated since the day that I met you,
My smile hard to wipe off of my face.
I only hear the good,
I look forward to the day,
And live life to the absolute fullest.
On Another Level:
I've been insane since the day that I met you.
I just hope it will not end soon.
I miss you all day,
My mind always on you,
And it's not bad, but something that I want and need.
True Love Waits
This is interesting.
"True love waits" is true in more ways than one.
I gave up, left it to the world,
Sat down and waited.
It found me.
If only you could see my smile when I think of how perfect it is.
Message To You
Have you forgotten who I am?
Or what you mean to me?
For I am not the same to you ,
It's all different from the way it use to be.
I'm confused beyond repair.
Nighmares haunt me in the night.
I had visions of us together,
Now I am doubting all the feelings, thoughts I had, were right.
I feel like your sister,
Getting occasional kisses goodnight,
But I don't know you nearly that well.
If one would count how many times your name comes from my mouth,
You might see how much I care for you and what it is doing to me.
I've walked into the beehive with a fragrant flower over my heart,
Can you predict what will happen?
What will happen to my heart...
You once were scared of my fire,
I could burn you eventually.
Little did you know that you had tamed it, and dowsed it
the Fire once capable of destruction is out.
How Many How many times must I fall,
Before a ladder appears to help me up this wall?
How many times will I be scorned
Before someone says "I love you" and mean it?
And how many days will do by
Without me understanding them.
And how many times I look at you
Searching for moments I can't find.
*Upside down my world it seems
Is a life rolled up in mystery.
Striking out and looking back
I can not find where I was at*
How many lives will I live
Before I find one that suits me?
How much love will I give
Before someone will take it all from me?
--I am standing on this wall,
Wondering if I will fall.
I am living this life,
Till the next one will come.
I an loving and I am giving and
I am wasting my love--
**
----(2X's)
Not Possible Do you ever wonder
What I would feel like
Being wrapped up in your arms?
Do you ever wonder
If I would like it
To be caressed by your lonely heart?
Well I have dreamed it
I wish I could live it
But it seems so far away.
But the window opens
And the untouchable butterfly enters on the breeze
And lands on me
But it?s not possible
It?s not possible for me
To be happy, it?s impossible
Caught In The Rain:
The Real Walk
I left my house, dog leash in hand
And walked on, towards the horizon.
Sensing movement above,
I stopped and admired the clouds.
With great speed they traveled across the sky...
None were solid white.
Mostly pastel blues and pinks.
The orange and red sun was embarking on her journey away from me and my world.
I keep walking, the sky darkening behind me.
As I turn the corner I am exposed to new skies.
A light shower reaches out and caressed my skin -- and I smile.
Mom will be mad I got wet again.
The dog gallops around also soaked
And enjoys the wind blowing her around.
I'm halfway back home anyways, so I don't turn back
Instead I take off my shoes and walk in the gutter,
Splashing as much water on me as possible.
I approach my home with mother on the porch.
I was caught in the rain again.
A Flower
Striving for perfection, I sought my way
Through many gardens to pick my flower,
Facing pounding wind and great rain shower.
Blooms swirl around me asking to come play.
Reds, blues, oranges, and pinks brighten my day.
So many to choose from, I feel the power
That I can take a year, a day, and an hour
To pick the one I want to have today.
I see one unique, special in all ways
Beckoning me to come and observe it.
It sang to me a sweet sing song of love.
I couldn't leave, I was entranced to stay.
Perfection seemed to emanate off it.
So I picked it, the true one I dreamed of.
Sinking Slowly
I have driven myself into my stomach
And I am wrecking it with my pain.
Eyes are heavy with no sleep
And watery from the tears I so often hold back .
No smile can escape my lips
Without quickly fading away
(It was obviously not heart felt)
A twinkle, once in my eye, was put out
With no reason to ignite and shine.
And I sleep alone in my mind
Without any picture of hope to dream of.
Only the bleak blackness of nothing.
And I wonder how long the water takes
To seep into the boat, eventually make it sink.
It is torturous to hear the drips,
Knowing the certain fate.
The captain of the ship has taken leave,
Perhaps sickened from the sight of the sea.
I am alone, with no knowledge of my path,
Leaving my hope in the waves and the wind.
Washed Ashore
My ship has sunken
And I have washed ashore,
Buried in the sand by the crash of the waves.
I smile and laugh at the defeat.
The Pond
I wish there were sharks in the water to hurt you,
But there are only mermaids in your pond.
They massage you, I can see you smile,
And the scene turns green as I feel envy.
My sharks can not reach your pond,
And you have found your happiness.
I guess I will find my pond one day,
Perhaps I will find my happiness.
I'm Sorry I Care(d)
You asked for my heart
And I reluctantly gave it.
Eventually I was glad I did.
Not long after, you returned my heart to me.
You tried to so carefully,
But I still felt the pain of having it there again.
So carefully you had tried to return it safely,
But it was the same -- As if you had stomped on it in front of me.
I couldn't make you feel bad,
You had tried so hard to do it the best way for us both.
I couldn't disappoint you, I'm sorry I did.
I'm sorry I couldn't handle it.
If I would have handled it,
It only would have drawn me in farther,
Desperate to have you again.
I could never move on.
I wish I could hate you and not want you so.
Why couldn't you have been cruel to me, make me want to have been let go.
Seventh Warning
I am emotionally drained by my frustration.
I can not function until I write about the hell I have witnessed.
I am shaking with feelings that poor from my hand.
Judging from my sloppy handwriting, I am not myself.
You have unleashed the devil of fiery feelings,
That I have encased for so long.
Why am I in this pit, no scratch that, HELL?
I have done you no wrong, only repaid you for your "kindness"
Leave me alone you pitiful being.
See what you are doing to me?
How many knives are sharpened by media,
Judging from your stereotype of me, I should obey them.
I will not stand up for myself as I should.
The corrupt company would only support you.
You are a repulsive sight that will soon be fixed to my whims.
I will not be run over and I don't duck at a punch,
But catch it and return it twice as hard.
Trophy
I'm waiting with patience for some sign.
All advantages I had before have been taken away.
I could use a little gift on a silver platter,
So why can't I have it?
I'm trying to not choose my prize,
But sometimes the prettiest trophies are the hardest to ignore.
But a trophy is a trophy,
No matter how small or large.
The question is do I deserve one.
Today Is A Good Day
Today is a good day,
Have you heard?
Time stood still for a moment in my life today.
My voice ran true.
A day does not need to be perfect to be a good day.
A day only needs to be looked at with hope and pride,
To be seen as perfection.
So today is a good day.
Appearing average in normal light.
Today I had the courage to look at the world with different eyes.
Sigh
Sigh...
I am sitting here, lost in my thoughts.
My life seems to be going well,
All is "perfect" as can be.
Something is missing
I can not gain what I need for a while.
I can't take a vitamin to get it,
I can't read an encyclopedia,
I can't even ask my mother for it.
A lost emptiness inside can't be filled for a while
Sigh...
Don't get me wrong.
I am enjoying my life.
But most times I wonder if it is my life,
Or that it is a dream.
I am waiting for the day to wake up and find hell at my doorstep.
That's where they tell us we should go anyways.
That we don't deserve to have a heaven.
Sigh...
I Know
How much of me did you love of me?
Can you tell I have been trying to figure it out?
The days I believe you, I'm lonely
And the days I am in the truth I am depressed.
Either way I am hopeless with out you
I'll be fine one day, so don't worry
Although I already know you don't.
You know I'll be fine with out you
And I don't want you anymore.
So be in comfort
I have no pain fit for you to witness.
Did You Know
Did you know I use to cuss
And you made me not want to
Or need to.
I had nothing to curse in my life.
You helped me open my mind
And let me view all the beauty that surrounded me.
I guess I grew too dependent
For I don't see the beauty anymore.
I know it is good that I am left here.
Something good will come of it
I will find my way,
But the time in limbo, being lost?.
This time is harder to take
And my control is growing harder to fake.
The truth is I am insane, I am insane, and I am insane
It Doesn't Matter
On a cliff, I am in my mind
Screaming out to the world.
It doesn't matter what my words are,
But I am screaming.
I run down the adjacent hill
And hit the bottom quickly.
I fell along the way,
But all that matters is I reached the bottom.
What does all this mean to me?
My life, a guy, my room, my hopes?
My subconscious hides it from me as well as my conscious
I'm not suppose to know,
I won't know.
And I know I will cower in fear
If I ever do find out what I am looking for
Though I sense it is right in front of my face and all around me.
Rock
I come to this rock,
Soft or solid, I know not.
I test it, some sentimental part of my mind?
Tell me.
I give you, rock, and a song.
You should appreciate it.
I have done all for you,
But I have nothing in return.
You hide from me.
You have a gem I must touch
To be cleansed of my fears.
Why do you hide from me?
And change face so that I'll never truly find you?
You leave me puzzled, friend -
If I could ever call you that.
You have never been friendly to me.
And after all my unconditional work and love,
I do want recognition.
A guide, a flower, a heart...
Whatever is sufficient.
I can feel you waiting outside my door.
Waiting for the moment that has long passed.
It is time.
Now grant me my demand, my wish, my plea.
Memory
You flutter softly by my ear.
Precious memory,
Deceiving memory.
I can see you now,
The tricks don't work anymore.
I was blind before,
By love or need, or ignorance?
You come to me,
Pictures of innocent joy,
Naive bliss.
I can see you now,
Feelings have parted from my judgement.
And I do judge you
I judge you with all the openness and clarity
Ever possessed by anything.
And I do judge you
The way you deserve to be judged,
As the evil thing you are.
I can see you.
Just A Guy
Do you wish to talk with me?
I admire you. I could be yours.
All you have to do is say the word.
A kind word, a hinting word.
I saw the look on your face.
A look with potential and wonderment.
A flick of the wrist and you could be mine.
A light touch or a catching wink.
I admit your abilities do impress me,
But they don't matter.
Your humor, the health in your smile
Surpass all you could ever show off to me.
I also admit you are out of reach.
Someone I can think about
When I am low and without hope.
Just remember you could have me
And I could have you.
The Limbo
I am lost with nowhere to go.
Images float around me, hazy
I am in limbo.
I have decisions I want to make,
But I have no clues,
No insight to my choices.
I do wonder where I am.
Am I close to the door?
And is there someone there to greet me�
Going left or right wouldn't matter,
Or up or down or diagonal or backwards�
Nothing matters now.
If I just sit here and not try to find the door,
Perhaps it will open and beckon me in-
With sunshine and flowers on the other side.
Maybe I am destined for limbo as my dwelling,
Until I have the knowledge and the courage to break out.
Regret
I do regret many things in my life.
One just recently.
I am deprived of the right words and education on how to address this one,
But I will do it my way.
There were times I did think I could love you,
Then of course I would drift away and not want it so.
And then I thought I was safe,
I was safe from myself, from love, from the world.
It is hard for me to explain this,
So often do my words get curved.
No one ever catches what I truly mean.
So I will stop here,
With my words could only come hurt or confusion,
And I want neither.
For to hurt you would only hurt myself,
Already guilty of what I subconsciously brought upon you
And to confuse you would only make me a worse person that I already see myself to be.
Hey Mom
Hey Mom,
It's been awhile since we "talked"
Just a heart to heart for the night.
But I wanted to thank you,
For this year and some of those times.
For hating my boyfriend when he hurt me,
For allowing me to cruise with my friends,
And for giving me an after-prom party.
This year has been my toughest,
And you often told me so,
And I am sorry I told you to leave me alone
And I would handle it on my own.
Thanks for the extra money
And feeding the animals in the morning
And for being there when I needed you
And just for being my mom.
Hey Mom...
Battle With Regret
I have met regret.
He brought with him my past
And my true feelings I should let shine through.
He scoffed at me and pointed.
I wish I could claim him wrong.
I wish he had no right to be here,
But he does, he does.
I admit to him my love lost,
Of my foolishness and how I treat my friends.
He tells me all I would have done,
Where I would have gone.
He shows me to the garden,
Then tells me I had picked the wrong fruit.
I am left there in the garden,
Alone, yes.
I am standing under the tree,
Begging for her to take back the fruit from my hand.
I now dream of her taking it,
Smiling gingerly in her grace.
And I also have nightmares,
That she takes it and throws it
As far as it would go and I cry
Knowing I lost my battle with regret.
Contradictory
Wanna know something funny?
I am happy, I am content,
And I have no clue where I am
Or where I am going.
My life is so undecided,
Yet I smile.
My wants are not fulfilled,
And possibly never will be,
But I am pleased.
I figure there is not time for sulking
For things that have not gone my way.
For if I don't specify what is my way,
How will anything not go my way?
How can my life be anything but perfect
If I haven't stated what perfect is?
How can I be disappointed with someone
If I never put them on that pedestal?
I am content, but I have no plan,
I am happy, but I am just here
Living each day,
Breathing each moment.
It
It's something new,
But I am prepared
For whatever this will bring upon me
It's something blinding
With more than I'll ever know
And yes, I am afraid.
How did you know,
How can you feel,
How can you think the way you do?
I was striving to reach that point,
But I was just out of reach.
You brought me closer
Now it's my choice to touch it, receive it, hold it to my heart,
Make it mine.
The words used were the exact I was looking for
I thank you for showing me the way.
Now I just wait until I can open the door.
Title
Poems don't need titles.
I can't stand to take the time.
The more I try to think up more,
The less the poem is mine.
Thoughts can't be categorized
To one type, group, or title.
So why does the lable seem needed?
Why is the topic vital?
Many days I wonder this question
And ask how will they know what it is about?
Read the first line, it will draw you in
And by the end you will have no doubt
Vow
No more kissing of boys 'til I am married.
The one who will wait will truly be worth it.
No more "loves" 'til I say "I do".
The one then will say the sincere "I love you"
Only hugs and holding hands and looking at the stars
'Til the time I give me all to you.
I am strong.
Inside
I looked in the mirror and smiled today-
Not noticing the burns on my skin.
My heart is not burned
My soul is not burned
Merely tanned with exposure.
"Creamy tanned", as my mother says.
I look again, smile again
Ready for another day.
Confused
Oh I am confused.
Thoroughly.
Does it matter?
I've said before how I don't care,
But I do.
I still like to know what is going on
And make it all perfect,
But I can't.
I still wish I could.
Confusion is good, I guess.
It keeps me in place,
My sort of check on my awareness.
But I would enjoy knowing all
And know what you are thinking
And how I should act.
For I am never sure.
A Submission
I tried to resist to write today,
But the pen kept appearing in my hand.
So I submit.
I am ready, it seems,
For anything to come.
Please something come.
It hasn't been long since a visit,
But I am lonely, as the time has been all my life.
It is leaving me for spring, summer, autumn, winter,
Four times all...
And I don't know where I will be left,
All I know is alone.
And there, I wrote it.
In An Instant
Deep pools that show infinite knowledge take me in.
I can see you analyzing my every move and my features.
I am captured,
Saved for a rainy day.
I gaze back, only for a second, seeming an eternity,
And then my worlds flicker back
To a non-important target,
Trying to forget what I saw.
Have You Have you ever seen the sun outside your heart?
And have you ever sang a song outside your soul?
And have you ever ventured out beyond your mind?
And could your love ever, I pray, be mine?
Have you ever sailed on an ocean not of your tears?
And have you ever seen a place not based on your fears?
And have you ever seen the light of day behind you sigh?
And if never, today is when I cry.
Chorus:
For when you walk with me, talk with me,
I can see that you are lost in me.
And I can see into your eyes, I'm lost in you.
For when you walk with me, talk with me,
I can see that you are lost in me.
And I can see into your eyes, I'm lost in you.
Have you ever seen your life, outside your room?
Have you ever been on an island, outside your gloom?
And have you read your time, for your worth?
And when you do, I'll miss you here on Earth.
Chorus
1st Verse
Chorus
Too
Time:
Too much, too little
Never how much I want.
Love:
Too much, too little
Never how much I want.
Thoughts:
Too good, too troubling.
Never the kind I want.
The Bow
Frustration boils inside my soul.
It's swelling its way toward the top.
Situations unfolding before me,
Surprise me. You don't know when to stop.
I don't like these petty surprises,
I curse you with all that I dare.
I am being driven to isolation, and destruction�
You are taking me there.
Compassion is being drained from me,
You hold it in your hand.
You were kind before, what happened?
I have no ideas, I don't understand.
You stripped me of my knowledge,
My courage you stole too.
You have no more use for me now.
So here I am left bare,
But I am waiting for your bow.
Be At Peace
How much peace do you have?
Are you honest with yourself.
Have you hidden who you are,
Locked yourself up�
Now is the time to be set free.
It is time for me to see you
As a whole, honest and pure.
Time for you to tell me all,
Admit your heart's thoughts.
Don't take time to "prepare"
Or to "think"
Be at peace
Tell the world
Be at peace.
Repetition
How many times does my heart and mind
Fall on one person, one thought, on dream?
Repetition is my enemy.
I can't find a way out of it,
Around it, or through it.
Time flies when repetition haunts me again.
I am stuck in this rut
With this curse beating upon me.
I cringe.
How I wish I could erase this one repetition.
Why does this one have to keep reoccurring in my mind
Why can't I change to different whims and fancies as the world turns
Why am I stuck with this repetition?
Coming Clear
It's all coming clear now,
What all you said
Is all sinking in,
All explained.
You're not what I trusted you to be.
Am I too gullible
And soft?
What happened to the girl
That could hurt and maim a heart?
What happened to her
That could tear you apart?
But it's all coming clear
And now it's time for the past,
To go back to the drawing board
And again... it's all coming clear
And maybe it already was.
Now Than Later
You know, I think I've turned the tables,
But I guess it's better now than later.
Now I am not caring for you as much as I would.
And it would hurt much more than this.
It's better now than later,
But I am sorry it ended this way
With all my assumptions
And hating you so.
But it's better now than later.
The End
I think it was jealousy of something that didn't exist
And that you were more like the others than you know...
Shallow.
It was hidden from me
And hidden from the world
And look where it has brought you.
The plot for destruction was ingenius.
This story could go on forever
If I perfected it and allowed it,
But I won't and it won't.
So here is where it ends
No matter where it was or how it got here,
This is where it ends.
No matter if it was jealousy or shallowness or the two,
But it ends.
You're not the lead character I thought you to be.
The End
With no "Happily Ever After"
Chaos
Well I have had more time to think
And to wish upon a star
And to sit and soak in the sun.
Quiet and peaceful I am here,
And I do miss it.
Now without the expectance of spontaneous luxury
I can schedule my life,
Get into things,
Before I am forced.
And maybe in all of my perfection
I will find the chaos I want and love.
Used To
You used to set sail on a beautiful yacht
In my confusing sea of tears.
And you sailed to safety through the winds within my veins.
But now you have crash landed,
Abandoned on the shore.
Alone.
I can not save you.
I would like to save you,
But you are on the wrong side of the beach,
You are so far, far out of reach
And I can not save you.
Yet So Far
How many times have I spoken the phrase
"There is no perfect guy"?
And how many times have I tried again
And pleaded a new case?
I wanted so much for it not to be true.
But each one,
Unique,
All ended up the same,
Pain.
One would think after so many,
Carefully watched and previewed,
Maybe one,
Just one...
I was so close
I Feel It
You tore my heart from me
I had given so much unknowingly,
And I detest it.
It lasted only a moment strong,
And I did not cry.
I now think,
A little clearer, I add,
But I can still feel it.
And then I resist all temptations
To forget, knowingly
I guess I want to feel it.
Am I Confused?
I don't know if I've been rejected,
Tossed aside and now needed to be ignored.
Or if you're just waiting
And I need to wait and wait.
There are so many possibilities
For the explanation of what I see,
But which one is correct?
Is it the one I want it to be?
In this world of courtship and friendship
Hints and signs are often confused.
Could I be confused?
It's sad, but I hope I am.
I don't want you or that,
That cruel and consuming state of being,
But yet I could sacrifice my sanctuary
If I am not confused.
So... Am I Confused?
Your Quiz
How much do you know?
Souls lie much deeper than skin.
How much can you see?
Eye's aren't what you should be seeing with.
How much do you feel is real, true?
Hands should not do your work.
And do you hear all that I say, what I wish
My thoughts, my dreams?
If not, I do not know you.
I will never satisfy your mind, eyes, hands, and ears.
I can only satisfy a softened heart and a chosen soul.
Music
Music can calm my soul,
But more often it riles my senses,
And I will yell, cry, out my feelings.
When alone,
I will talk to myself, to God, to my dog
For comfort, and do I find it?
Will I ever find it...
Depending on the lyrics I'll cry or scream
And receive headaches greatly earned,
But I never find a permanent solace
Away form my fears, thoughts, pains, and people.
I could get a good book,
Read until I fall asleep...
Or crank up the radio and dance
Til I fall over faint,
But the moment I get back up
Here you are and here I am,
And there is my love, deeply debated.
Sunrise Over The Mountains
Sunrise over the mountains.
A stream trickels over the rocks.
(Rejuvination)
Breezes caress the waters,
Dew drops from the trees.
God bends down and kisses the grass,
Blooms spread throughout the field.
A sudden wind.
Blossoms wisk away.
Torn.
A rolling threat, light of fire...
Wispers of regret.
Sudden cold, beards of ice,
Lucifer slithers within.
Rupturing earth, screams of pain,
Silence... silence...
(The worst is the silence)
Cracking voices, maturing, sing.
A chord strikes.
Holes in the black blanket appear.
One above the rest, full.
Clouds depart for her view to be clear,
Spying on the chaos on earth.
And you grin, defiance and spite
Watch as the routine continues,
And the sunrises once again over the mountains.
Addiction
Imperfection is so inevitable,
But this drug is definitely addictive,
So plainly great it will all seem at first
Then living hell with haunting memories
Forever embedded in my body.
I feel that urge to keep trying each,
But just trying isn't enough...
Addiction is way to hard to handle.
Addiction rules my life,
Addiction takes me over.
Tales of experience never mount to your experience.
Gold turns to dust and silver to ashes.
One man's trash is another's treasure.
Have you ever seen that?
I have,
Just once...
I'd like to see my ashes bloom to silver,
A flower that I am the first and last to see.
Addiction makes me press on,
Never ceasing to watch
And hope for dust to turn to gold
And ashes to turn to silver...
Addiction... Addiction
Fall
My frustration spawns from your existence,
I am mad at your apparent interest in me.
I've been happy, to an extent, without you,
So why should I fall now?
I don't need your support for me to walk,
My mind and heart are my own crutches.
I don't need you to guide me to earth,
I've got gravity to hold me down.
I would like to tell you that my gravity
Keeps me out of the clouds,
But I can't.
A look from you has enough inertia
To jettison me out into space.
There, now I have said it.
I am mad at your position to cause me
To have no control over my mind.
So I am mad at you, but I am mad at myself.
I can see I am going to fall.
I Am Fighting
I am fighting the passion,
The desire, to write a note to you.
For with one word, one pen, one mistake,
My heart would belong to you.
I am avoiding the thoughts I could think,
And all I am wishing to say.
With one thought of you, however so small,
I sould be cursed to think of you all day.
But I cannot escape these.
I cannot forget your face,
But maybe if I pray and eventually cry,
I will overcome this through God's grace.
New Found Glory
Deceived by many,
Now deceived by all.
Mostly now, you.
Perhaps I have had the wrong idea all along,
But what if my heart is true?
I suppose the bird could have assumed wrong
In her relay message to me,
But birds are so often right.
So you are playing a game with me.
You can light up my day,
You can dampen my smile,
Make me blend into the wall.
You can fill up my heart,
You can empty my soul,
And is any of the hardships worth it?
Why should I ask for the strength to endure it?
Remember
My logic this time is pure genius.
I can finally figure it out.
All I have to do it say you are to young for me.
I've decided before
That I wouldn't date with in my age,
So why wouldn't that apply now?
Remember, self, what they do to you,
Remember what they will say...
Remember that it will all turn against you,
Remember the hurt and the pain.
The Story
I could tell you about the story
Of a warrior princess cast out into the sea.
Her life was thrown before her,
A captive of her awareness.
She had fought too many years to win this battle now.
She is tired.
So she does not struggle much,
A little, I admit, but not enough
To make a difference, and she dies,
The last of her kind,
With vigor and strength.
Words
Many words can be applied to Life,
And some write them corresponding to Love.
These are not for Love.
"Love" is the only word needed in that category
And is its own.
"Compassion, maybe for your job or flowers or sports,
Never pure in Love.
"Truth", maybe in science, math, and the court room,
But never trapped in Love.
"Eternity", maybe in heaven, hell, or engulfed in your mind,
But never capable in Love.
"Love is the only word that explains Love.
Compact in it is deceit, unfaithfulness, and pain,
Issued in concentrated doses.
Times of happiness is when the Love has worn off,
The dose is only good for a certain amount of time,
Depending on your age,
And then you swallow again.
Only you can tell when your dosage is complete
And the taste is off of your lips.
Plaything
I am just a plaything
And thus I'll always be.
No one takes me seriously,
No one will ever take me.
I am used, I am fun,
I am cute and I am special.
I am a prize and I am tired,
But I still play the childish game.
Serpent
How rebelious can I be? A serpent dressed in vibrant scales? Or the field mouse, the prey. Venom could be fun to use in my purpose, But even a snake has her enemies. But she can also shed her skin And leave her mark in the skin of her lover, And the field mouse just runs away.
How Dare You
How dare you look at me,
As though you are a tempting thing.
You have sang your last song to me.
Your inviting eye hides lust and selfishness,
Your heart is cold as ice and is stone.
Only frivilous things get through.
Don't turn your head, don't crack a smile
For I will return it with the truthfull glare.
Don't touch me or even walk in my same path
For you are like Death before me.
Half Empty
Sometimes it is half empty
Sometimes it is half full.
Either way, I am not satisfied.
Why can't it go one way?
I am stressed in the middle.
Forever lost.
If I cry,
Would it fill it?
Or drain it...
I say I give up,
Yet I press on,
Blindly,
Still...
And I believe it half empty
And going nowhere
The Murder
How can you cut me With a knife so beautiful? The silver and diamonds sparkle with emeralds. The most perfect instrument. You kno you've caught me, Mezmorized, And I don't even see the intentions. How can you... I am unarmed, and I am bare.
Break
Its quiet, so deathly quiet.
The pin drop drives me insane.
Heavy is the air around me,
I am drowning in it.
There is no purpose for this
No point I can see.
Death silence.
Maybe I am dead.
I could be.
The last thing I remember was a crack, a break.
But my nerves deliver no pain.
Perhaps it was my skull,
But I am not bleeding.
And the pang strikes again
And I realize my mistake.
It was my heart,
It was my heart...
Alive
I am determined once again
To stay alive in my mind.
Often I begin to lose that battle.
I never keep my sword sharp and ready.
Time so often dulls the sword.
I am not of violent kind,
But anyone, to stay alive,
Would
With all the force in the world unite
Kill the depths of sin
That threatens to over take you.
It is you or them.
The sword rings true when sharp.
And time does so ever curse it dull.
The Game
I walk through the garden
And I see him
Amid the bearded iris.
Gorgeous.
I stumble when I see his eyes.
Capturing.
He actaully sees me
ME.
The eyebrows move,
I can see he is thinking.
Should I speak?
Or hold my tongue and look impossible.
I hear the game is what they are after.
I like games.
He picks an iris, blue.
How could he know my favorite color and flower?
No, it must be his.
He wouldn't consider me.
He must want it for himself.
He glances, yes my way,
And gestures.
Should I accept?
What of the game?
Shadow
I see the shadow.
As does everyone else.
Balck, depressing,
Predictable.
But when the light goes off
Is it still there?
Where does it go...
Or how does it stay.
How predictable is it then?
You must think of all possibilities
To see the awesomeness of the thing you know.
Comfort
Time does so hold me back
Shoves me into my corner
Sometimes locks me in my closet.
I can not bare to come out.
I only peek around the corner
Or the door and wonder.
I could come out
And explore, venture to unknown worlds,
Yet time has placed me here.
And here I will stay
Comforted.
Gone
Where is the home that I left
Where is my dog at the door?
I came to this barren field,
I swear this was my home.
The fence, tall and grand,
No longer stands before me
And the trees, planted with love,
Are stumps amid the brush.
