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A first grade teacher in New York explains to her class that she is a
Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are Yankee
fans.
Everyone raises their hands, except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't
you
raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Yankee's fan," she replied. The teacher asked, "Well, if you're not a Yankee's fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a Diamondbacks fan and proud of it." The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why are you a Diamondbacks fan?" "Because my mom and dad are both Diamond Backs fans, so I'm a Diamondbacks fan too." "Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "That's no reason. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "We'd be Yankees fans." Sorry if you're a Yankees fan, but this is just great... hahaha... |
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Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot, But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not. The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way! Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say, It could be his turban was screwed on too tight. Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban, He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban. "They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch. "They're raising their families! They're going to church! They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving, I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!" Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's, Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses, They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools, And abide by their U and S values and rules, And then they'd do something he liked least of all, Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small, Would stand all united, each U and each S, And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!" All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand, and their voices would drown every sound in the land. "I must stop that singing," Binch said with a smirk, And he had an idea--an idea that might work! The Binch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours, And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers. "They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour, "And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?" The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping, All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping, Instead he heard something that started quite low, And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow-- And the Binch heard the most unpredictable thing... And he couldn't believe it--they started to sing! He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes, What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise! Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any towers at all! He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung! For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young, Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope and called Pride, And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside. So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall, With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small, And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope, For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope. For America means a bit more than tall towers, It means more than wealth or political powers, It's more than our enemies ever could guess, So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless! |
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A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and
complained that it made no
sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he
wrote, "and in that time I
have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I
can't remember a single one of
them. So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting
theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment! |
| A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy. "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket,he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle, "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced
with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy
noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it
slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling
toward the others, doing its best to catch up...."I want that one,"
the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands." The world is full of people who need someone who understands. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father." |
| I got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes: The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Grandma |
